


I'm All Alone

by MsAquaMarvella



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Another Angsty Post Season 3 fic, Deckerstar angst, Emotional Struggling, Gen, Inspired by How I Met Your Mother's episode The Time Travelers, The Naughty or Nice Gift Exchange, TheDeckerstarNetwork, Trigger Warning: There's a negative outlook on life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 07:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17157962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsAquaMarvella/pseuds/MsAquaMarvella
Summary: Lucifer struggling to deal with the aftermath of the season 3 finale, feeling hopelessly alone.





	I'm All Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [namedawesome (davethetennant)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/davethetennant/gifts).



> Merry Christmas & a Happy Holidays to everyone! 
> 
> This is a gift for Namedawesome! I hope you enjoy it, and be warned, there's alot angst here! Also I was really inspired by HIMYM's episode The Time Travelers ending and this fic was inspired by its ending.
> 
> I wrote this song while listening to it's soundtrack: You're All Alone by John Swihart, and I recommend giving it a listen!

 

There he sat, all alone, curled up on the beach. Companied only, by the sound of the waves crashing into the sandy shore, and the moonlight framing his curled form like a spotlight on a lone actor standing center stage.

It had been twenty days since his life on had Earth ended. Four-hundred and eighty-two hours since he killed Cain. Twenty-eight thousand nine-hundred and twenty minutes since she _saw_.

And he tried, _he really did_. But he couldn’t do this anymore.

 

Charlotte was dead.

Amenadiel was gone.

Daniel hated him.

Ella was lost.

Maze wasn’t his friend.

And Chloe…

Well, he didn’t know. He’d fled before she could react, but he knows. Deep down, he knows she’s terrified of him.

______________________

A week after the incident, Lucifer had cautiously walked backed into the precinct. His usual bravado gone and replaced with uncertainty. He’d arrived an hour early and sat patiently at the Detective’s desk. Fifteen minutes before her starting time, he ran out to get her a cup of coffee, just the way she liked it, and waited.

And waited…

…And waited…

But she never showed.

Eventually, another detective working homicide, took pity and informed him that the Detective had called out for the week. Lucifer thanked the man and left in search for Daniel. After an hour, he found the shorter man in the evidence room, sifting through several bins.

When their eyes met, Lucifer could see nothing, but rage and sadness reflected at him. It made Lucifer flinch. Daniel either didn’t notice or didn’t care. He simply opened a new bin with more force than necessary, ignoring Lucifer’s presence.

Lucifer’s eyes burned, but he understood. It was his fault that Charlotte was gone. Daniel had every right to hate him. Lucifer did.

Running once again, he made his way to Ella’s lab. She greeted him with a small smile, and a lost look in her eye. He tried to start a conversation with her, but she zoned out often. She clearly had a work to do, and Lucifer didn’t want to be a burden, so he left when she wasn’t looking.

_____________________

He wandered the streets aimlessly for hours, until he found himself at a familiar door. Chloe’s apartment door. He was surprised when heard himself knock.

There was no answer, of course. He hadn’t expected one, even though he could see light shining out her window.

What he didn’t expect, was the gaping hole in his chest to grow even larger.

____________________

Later that night, after traveling home in a haze of tears and alcohol, desperate for guidance he called Linda. He told her about everything, from Cain, to Chloe, to weight on his chest keeping him from being able to breathe.

In response, she had told him to have _faith_. That everyone, including himself, had just gone through a tremendous amount of emotional trauma and needed time to recover. That everyone dealt with loss differently.  

Lucifer laughed. _When had faith ever helped him_ , he spat at her viciously. She didn’t rise to his bait, so he continued to rant. And she continued to listen. It was nice, having someone there to listen to him, to understand him. And when he had run out of words to say and tears to shed, she made him make a promise.

A promise – to not run away, to wait it out to the bitter end. To have _faith_.

He wanted to tell her _no_. Wanted to ask her how she knew what he was thinking. He didn’t, in the end, because…

Well, because he had faith in her. Lucifer believed in Linda. And that was good enough for him.

 _____________________

At the time, anyway…

But now, sitting alone, staring up at the empty, starless night sky, he didn’t feel like he had any faith left. Nothing had gotten better. Only worse. Despite several attempts to contact Chloe, she refused to see him. Daniel still hated him. And Ella didn’t need the burden. So, he pulled out his phone and called.

“Hello.” Linda’s light gentle voice answered.

“I can’t do this anymore,” his voice cracked as his eyes filled with tears.

“Can’t do what?” Linda asked, her voice soft.

“ **This!** Waiting, having _faith!_ Nothing is happening Linda!” Lucifer cried.

“I know it doesn’t feel like it, but– “

“ _Faith isn’t real!_ It’s a lie you humans tell yourselves, because you can’t deal with reality! So, you fill yourselves up with false hope. It’s a ridiculous notion that I refuse to continue taking part in.”

“Lucifer –“

 _“Believing doesn’t do anything!_ **_Faith is a lie_.”**

“Lucifer –“

“ _No, Linda! I did my waiting! I spent_ **_millennia, waiting!_** _Waiting for someone to tell me to come home! I had **faith** that eventually they would come for me! _

_Well guess what! No one did!_

_They left me all alone!”_ Lucifer screamed, his body trembling as he started to breakdown crying. It was all too much. He heard Linda’s voice over the speaker but couldn’t process any of her words. He felt like he was underwater, drowning.

“Please.” Lucifer whispered, so softly Linda almost didn’t hear it.

“Please what?”

“Take it back.”

“Take what back?” She spoke softly.

“The promise. Take it back. I can’t be here anymore.”

She grew silent.

“Linda, please!” He begged. “I tried, I really did.”

“Please.”

“Please.”

“ _Please_.”

When she didn’t respond, he threw his phone as far as he could in the ocean and screamed. Screamed until his voice was raw, and the sun rose, signaling the start of a new day.

A new day filled with more pain.

So, he sat there and watched as the beach slowly became inhabited by humans. All of them scurrying around like ants. He envied them, each and everyone one of them, walking around with a purpose, with a happiness he himself did not possess.

 

 

He was so absorbed in watching that he jumped when he felt a hand his shoulder, and a warm body sitting next to his own.

**Author's Note:**

> The End! 
> 
> Sorry guys, I couldn't help myself with the ending! Muahahahaha >:D Who do you think met Lucifer? And I hope you enjoyed it Namedawesome! ❤
> 
> Thank you all for reading and I hope you have a great 2019!


End file.
